I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
