Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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