you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
