I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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