Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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