I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
