dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
