Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.