Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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