Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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