last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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