and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
