ya dads aren't the best wingmen
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
