there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
