And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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