Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
