is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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