You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
