Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
