my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he shaved USA in his pubs
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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