good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
