there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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