I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
