she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
