I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
