Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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