i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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