if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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