I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
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