wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Randomize
