Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
