I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
