Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
