i don't like sucking hair
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
