My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
