I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
