I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize