Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
