my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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