is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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