Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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