so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
