Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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