So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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