I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
