Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
