Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
