I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
