I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
