I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
