I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
