Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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