My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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