Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize