I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
porn star boner night. come get it.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
