Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
