you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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