It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
