ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
