I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
