remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
