then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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