i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Also, beer. Big fan.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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