Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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