you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
