I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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