There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
