your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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