Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
