May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
