Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
