i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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