apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
