he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
