I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
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and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city