I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.