I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.