are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"