We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
it hurts more in the daytime
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.