i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
