I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
