where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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